you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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