i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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