Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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