I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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