cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
vagina is talking i cant
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's never too late to be topless.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!