I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions