my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring