Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.