I am spending my child support on dildos
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid