I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.