eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.