Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling