I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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