Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
