i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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