once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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