I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
