Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
