How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize