He uses pillows to masturbate.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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