I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize