Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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