I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
high people should be assigned attendants
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
