well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
