My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
