Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
