I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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