My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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