Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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