my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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