I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
