apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
