i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
