I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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