There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
