Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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