Whod you bang
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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