I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
