Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
