my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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