i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
