i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
