I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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