Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize