At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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