the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
