i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
