It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
