Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
