It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
