just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
