i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
