is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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