I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
