he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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