you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize