Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
