Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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