i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
