Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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