fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
where am i from again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
