Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
