I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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