if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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