I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Bring me that man meat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
