So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You pole danced in your parka.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
